John Gray, Ph.D. is the #1 bestselling relationship author of all time. He is the author of over 20 books, including The New York Times #1 Best-Selling Relationship Book of All Time: MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS. His books have sold over 50 million copies in 50 different languages around the world. His unique focus is assisting men and women in understanding, respecting and appreciating their differences. John’s advice can be easily used to improve relationships at home and in the workplace.
I had the privilege of spending some time with John in Dubai. He shared seven great insights on creating deep relationships at work and in life.
1. The Difference – Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
Men and women mistakenly expect each other to think, communicate and react the way they do themselves. Accepting the difference is the key. Knowing we WON’T understand each other. From this place we can build a solid relationship.
2. How to Avoid Arguments
Remember that the person objects not to what you are saying but to how you are saying it.
Men need to know that by acting as if they are always right may invalidate a women’s feelings.
Women need to become aware of when they send messages of disapproval instead of disagreement as this will ignite a man’s defenses.
Reframing to the others person’s understanding is the key.
3. Discovering Our Different Emotional Needs
Support each other by giving what the other needs not what you need in that instance.
4.Men go to Their Caves and Women Talk
This is the biggest difference in how men and women cope with stress. He feels better about solving problems and she feels better talking about them.
5. Communicate Difficult Feelings
When we get upset, disappointed, frustrated or angry, it is difficult to communicate in a non judgmental or blaming way. By releasing these feelings, your chances of being understood and accepted are much greater. Writing out your negative feelings is an excellent way of releasing the intensity and will give you greater awareness to adjust your approach.
6. Asking For Support
If you want to GET then you have to ASK. Say no more. You know what they say about making assumptions…..
7. Speaking Different Languages
We have the same words but the way they are used have different meanings. Their expressions are similar, but they have different connotation or emotional emphasis. So know you are probably experiencing misinterpretations or misunderstanding not judgment or criticism, knowing this is the secret to good communication.
So there you have it. Thanks John, it certainly was a hilarious few days. Men are indeed from Mars!